How to Change Someone's Mind (or not)

Resources:

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2016/12/28/14088992/brain-study-change-minds

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_is_it_so_hard_to_change_peoples_minds

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180622-the-surprising-reason-people-change-their-minds

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-well/201812/why-many-people-stubbornly-refuse-change-their-minds

https://www.npr.org/transcripts/743195213

In learning about and practicing calling people out and into conversations, I have been thinking about how people develop ideas and how we as humans change our minds. Recently, it has become clear to me that productive conversations of calling in require both parties to be willing to seek understanding without the intent to change minds. I wanted to look into how people do change their minds, because whenever I have conversations with people whose views are drastically different from mine, it seems like they dig in further to their view (and I know that I do this too). While this blog post is not a comprehensive literature review or anything, I did read 5 articles that helped create a foundation of understanding on this topic. For the most part, the ideas made sense, especially when thinking about the ideas I hold and how I react when people try to change my mind. These articles looked at brain science and research studies to back up their claims, and even though some of the studies were small, they were still giving evidence to ideas that I feel like I could justify with my own personal experiences in changing/not changing my mind. There are other reasons presented in these articles (and I'm sure a bunch in other places that I did not read) that I did not write about - this is a pretty complex topic - but I think it's a good start.

A main theme is that as humans, we don’t like to change our minds when we feel attacked, and things like politics often get tied up in our personal identities, something our brains are wired to protect. In one study, brain scans showed that there was more activation in the brain in the default mode network, in which we contemplate our identities, and in the amygdala, in which we feel threats and process negative emotions, when participants were challenged on more strongly held beliefs than on those that were loosely held or held no or little ties to their identities. Participants were more likely to be influenced by a politically charged statement than one that was not politically charged. This article did point out thought that political beliefs are not hardwired in our brains, and that we can change our minds.

As humans, we unknowingly (and some of us knowingly) rely on confirmation bias to bolster our worldviews. Research on confirmation bias has shown that we are more likely to look out for, notice, and remember anything that confirms opinions we already hold. It's like why when you or someone you know buys a new car, and then suddenly you see them everywhere on the road when you didn't before. The further away a piece of data is from what you already believe, the less likely to change your belief. In fact, our brains are faster at processing information we agree with. Additionally, our opinions are often based more on emotions or group affiliations than facts. Even when presented facts, as humans we tend to dig our heels deeper into our beliefs - I know I have been on both the giving and receiving end of this. When we are presented information that does not support our worldviews, we experience cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort experienced by a person who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. In order to reduce psychological discomfort, we have to change our minds or our behaviors so that the contradiction is resolved.

There are four major ways we can reduce cognitive dissonance:

1. Change the behavior so it’s congruent with new information (eg, “I will start wearing a seatbelt because I learned that it reduces change of death in a car accident.”)

2. Justify the behavior or belief by changing the conflicting cognition (eg, “It’s fine to not wear a seatbelt if I’m not on an interstate.”

3. Justify the behavior by adding new cognitions (eg, “I’ll drive extra careful so that wearing a seatbelt isn’t necessary.”

4. Ignore or deny information that conflicts with existing beliefs (eg, “Wearing a seatbelt isn’t that much safer than not wearing a seatbelt.”

While changing the behavior is the ideal way to reduce cognitive dissonance, many people tend to justify the behavior or ignore/deny conflicting information in order to not have to change their worldview.

One article did explain how to be more productive in conversations in light of knowing why people might not be willing to change their minds. As you can imagine, when people feel attacked, they get defensive, and double down on their argument even if they that may not be their actual conviction (or as strong as their actual conviction). So in a conversation where you are actively attacking someone’s point, they will tend to deflect rather than reflect on what you are saying or on their own arguments. It’s like the body goes into fight or flight even though there is not an actual physical threat. I know that the less defensive I feel, the more I can openly reflect on what I am thinking, and in general the less you try to force a particular set of views on someone, the freer they feel to reflect honestly on what they think and perhaps even revise their thinking in the future. Some ways to help promote this happening are:

1. Establish a relationship - Productive exchange more likely when there’s a foundation of mutual respect and friendship

2. Understand your conversation partners in ways that go beyond their views on controversial issues

3. Use open ended questions in a non-confrontational approach for hot topics, and try sharing your own experiences

4. Avoid language and behavior that signals contempt (eg, rolling eyes, personal insults, cutting sarcasm) - these actions convey the message “you, your thoughts, and your views are utterly beneath me.” But that doesn’t mean tiptoeing around the issue - rather, lay out exactly how you differ with someone and express your disappointment with particular views they hold (if that’s the case).

5. Ask questions that seek to understand and show a genuine desire to hear and acknowledge the answers.

I would say that overall, for a long time, my perspectives were very malleable, and it didn’t take much for me to change my mind, because I never committed to anything. In the past few years, I almost feel like I’ve swung to the complete opposite where I hold to views too hard, something that I think has definitely been impacted by the polarizing political climate. I am working to loosen my grip on some of my views and to be able to analyze them from different perspectives, even if I do not give them up. I am also working on making sure I have reasons to justify my views/beliefs besides the fact that I don’t want to give them up. Learning about how our brains work is making me more aware of how I approach conversations with people and also making me recognize why I respond in certain ways in conversations (which may be even more helpful). It helps to know why I might feel so defensive in a conversation, and that I can call that out and verbalize when I feel it and why I feel it.