Me and White Supremacy - Day 2: White Fragility

Resource: Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla F. Saad

White fragility is a term coined by Robin DiAngelo, and means “a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves.” Saad points out two factors that contribute to white fragility: 1) Lack of exposure to conversations about racism (White privilege protects white folks from having to discuss causes/implications of racism, and because they are not negatively impacted by skin color, conversations around race are often shallow.) and 2) Lack of understanding of what white supremacy actually is (It is not just individual actions, but colonization, oppression, discrimination, neglect, and marginalization at the systemic level. In other words, assuming to be criticized on your skin color/individual goodness rather than your complicity in a system designed to benefit white folks at the expense of BIPOC.) White fragility shows up in anger, defensiveness, fear, the belief in being shamed, falling silent and choosing to check out of conversations, calling authorities (not necessarily law enforcement) on BIPOC when you are uncomfortable with what they are sharing about race, and removing yourself from discussions about race. Conversations about race are uncomfortable by nature, and white fragility is a lacking the resilience to talk about race/racism.

Reflection question for today: How does your white fragility show up in conversations about race?

I know I’m not perfect, but I feel like for the most part, I have moved past my own white fragility in conversations about race. With racial equity having been such a huge part of my work as an educator for the past 4 years, I am comfortable having conversations about race with my peers (although not so much with people with white fragility - in my adult life, I think I’ve surrounded myself for the most part with people who work for racial equity, and I’ve tended to avoid initiating conversations with people who aren’t comfortable talking about race, something I am trying to embrace more now, at least with people I have existing relationships with). I also feel really grateful because even though I came to learn about my whiteness and its impacts late in life, it was within structure of organizations that focused on racial equity, and they scaffolded my learning in a way that, from the beginning of my learning about racial equity, always made it clear that criticisms of me and white folks were about being complicit in a system and not about my character or myself as an individual.

One area where white fragility shows up for me though, and one that I have never (and probably never will) vocalized, is doubting racist experiences that my BIPOC friends have shared. There are definitely times when a BIPOC has shared something with a me (although usually in a group of people) an experience that they had that was rooted in racism, and outwardly, I try to support them in whatever way the need, but inwardly, I question whether they are reading into it, how they know it was with racist intentions, or think that perhaps they imagined it. I’ve realized though that as a white woman, I’ll never experience racism, and I am not in a position to question the experiences of BIPOC. Even though my marginalization as a woman is nowhere near the marginalization of BIPOC and I don’t want to compare the two, I also think back to times when I’ve felt sexism that my male co-workers didn’t even recognize was happening, and I’m reminded about how important it is to trust the experiences of those who are marginalized. I am in the process now of recognizing when these thoughts/doubts come into my head and actively redirecting my thoughts to actively listening to and supporting BIPOC.