Me and White Supremacy - Days 3-5: Tone Policing, White Silence, and White Superiority

Resource: Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

You and Tone Policing

Tone policing is a tactic used to silence those without privilege by focusing on the tone of what is being said rather than the actual content. It does not only need to be something spoken out loud (even tone policing in your mind can have you miss content due to focusing on tone), and is a constant judgement, or threat of judgement, on how BIPOC express themselves. It is a way for white folks to not give credibility or attention to BIPOC until they speak in a tone that suits them. This expresses double standards, as anger of white people is often seen as righteous while anger of Black people is often seen as aggressive or dangerous. Tone policing shows up when white folks say or think these things: “I wish you would say what you’re saying in a nicer way,” “Your tone is too aggressive,” “The language you are using about your lived experiences is making me feel ashamed,” “You should address white people in a more civil way if you want us to join your cause,” and “The way you are talking about this issue is not productive” among others. Tone policing also shows up in judging BIPOC for not conforming to white norms of communication (eg, being too loud, speaking in ways that do not conform with Standard English). Tone polkcing reinforcs white supremacist norms of how BIPOC are “supposed” to show up, and when you tone police, you are reinforcing the white supremacist ideology that white knows best. Layla Saad says it best: “When you insist that BIPOC talk about their painful experiences with racism without expressing any pain, rage, or grief, you are asking them to dehumanize themselves...when you can understand how you tone police, you can begin to change your behavior so that you can allow BIPOC the full expression of their humanity.”

Questions to Reflect on: How have you discounted BIPOC in general because of the tone they use when they talk? What tone policing thoughts have you harbored inside when you’ve heard BIPOC talk about their race or their lived experiences even if you didn’t say them out loud?

In general, I tend to shut down when faced with anger (like I don’t know what to say or do and it makes me feel like crying and not talking), regardless of what prompts it and regardless of who it comes from. I haven’t myself felt strong anger until relatively recently (I’m not sure if this is due to my personality or privilege - probably both though), and I think that has prevented me from understanding anger. I don’t know how to manage it in myself yet, and as a result, I don’t know how to respond in the moment to people who are angry. This is something I am recognizing as an adult, and I know it definitely leads to tone policing (internally for me because I’m an introvert). I can think of times when POC have shared their experiences, and their tone causes me not to respond (in big group settings so already somewhat of an uncomfortable space), although I wouldn’t say that I discounted them because of their tone. Rather, it puts me in an emotional place where I feel like I cannot support them in the moment (this also goes for non-BIPOC folks and situations having nothing to do with race).

I’ve gotten to the point where I can recognize that I feel uncomfortable and start to ask myself why in the moment, although I need to start working more on questioning myself in the moment why I feel a certain way and move past it to truly support people who are feeling anger/grief/etc. I think expanding my sphere in who I follow on social media to different voices expressing these emotions in writing has helped me more effectively “listen” to (or maybe the word would be process) the information/emotions that BIPOC are expressing. I also think by learning more about experiences of BIPOC and about white supremacy and settler-colonialism, I am also better able to understand where strong emotions stem from (also these systems have been the cause of my own anger lately) and better able to take on the perspectives they have. I am not where I need to be, but I am a work in progress.

You and White Silence

White silence is when people with white privilege stay complicitly silent when it comes to issues of race and white supremacy. White silence rises out of white fragility and the fear of being incapable of talking about race without coming apart as well as a defending of the status quo of white supremacy. It is a method of self-protection and therefore protection of white supremacy.

White silence shows up by remaining silent when: friends make racist jokes or comments, when colleagues are being discriminated against at work, by choosing not to engage in conversations about race because of your white fragility, by not attending protests marches against racism (or other social justice issues), when witnessing other white people use their white privilege, white fragility, or tone policing against BIPOC, about your antiracism work for fear of losing friends, by not holding those around you accountable for racist behavior, and not sharing social media posts about race in your spaces because of the way it might affect your personal/professional life or simply reposting posts of BIPOC but not adding your own voice/perspective. White silence in systems of oppression look like tone policing, white saviorism, white superiority, and color blindness against students of color in schools; leaders perpetuating behaviors such as white fragility, cultural appropriation, white centering, and optical allyship at work; leaders perpetuating behaviors like white exceptionalism, tone policing, and color blindness in spiritual spaces; and perpetuating behaviors like anti-Blackness, racist stereotypes, cultural appropriation, and white superiority in health and wellness spaces.

Some quotes from this section that stood out to me were: “Here is a radical idea that I would like you to understand: white silence is violence...It says ‘I am okay with the way things are because they do not negatively affect me and because I enjoy the benefits I receive with white privilege” and “Your silence is a loud message that you side with white supremacy.” Saad also points out that introversion is not an excuse to avoid anti racism work - “You do not have to be the loudest voice. But you do need to use your voice.”

Reflections: How have you stayed silent when it comes to race and racism? How do you benefit from white silence? How has your silence been complicit in upholding racist behaviors?

When I first became aware of race and racial equity, I knew that as a person with white privilege, I needed to use my voice against racism. However, in my mind that looked only like stepping in when individuals were being blatantly racist, like telling racist jokes or other behaviors exhibited by individuals that vocally showed disdain for certain races. As it turns out, many (or all) of my friends never exhibit behaviors that are blatantly racist, and the organizations I have worked for in my adult life also do not condone such behavior. But I failed to recognize that speaking out against racism also involves speaking out against subtle acts of racism as well as systems that perpetuate racism and white supremacy. I think a lot of this silence comes from ignorance on my part in what systemic racism and white supremacy look like. So for the most part, I have stayed silent on matters of race and racism - they are things that have become important in my work in education, but that was the only sphere where I was vocal because everyone else was vocal about it too (I didn’t really have a choice, and I’m glad because if I hadn’t fallen into a career in education, I’m not sure that I would be as aware of racial inequities as I am now).

George Floyd’s murder was a catalyst I think for many white folks to engage in at least thinking about race and racial equity, and it was definitely a catalyst for me to be more vocal about where I stand and being more public in my learning about equity (via this blog and the Anti-Racist Coalition I am part of) I certainly benefit from being silent about race because it is comfortable to not talk about race - it is a maintenance of the status quo and the life that I grew up in. While I am trying to speak out about race more face-to-face (which since March, the only people I’ve really interacted with in person are my parents), I am also being more vocal on social media. Speaking about anything controversial is hard for me, and speaking out about race is no exception. I get kind of light-headed and shaky when engaging in conversations about race and other hard topics where the other person doesn’t agree with me or holds ideas grounded in racism/white supremacy, but I’m making myself do it. I’m trying to see it as a practice and as something I can work on getting better at (I think that in itself is a big enough topic for another post).

Also pre-pandemic, I saw social media as a way to connect to my friends and that was about it - I never felt like it was a platform to talk about controversial issues. I have realized that it is a way to engage in perspectives that are different than my own, learn more, and share ideas. My primary engagement on social media has been these blog posts, which feel more genuine to me than virtue signaling, like sharing memes without context. I do wonder if I am not being vocal enough (on social media), and I wonder if I am not taking enough action. I saw a tweet that conveyed something like “if you just read books on mountain climbing, that doesn’t make you a mountain climber. Similarly, just reading about race and racial equity does not mean you are doing the work for racial equity.” Certainly it is important to educate yourself and have an understanding of concepts and ideas, but until you get out there and take action, you’re not actively moving anything towards racial equity. I feel like I am at a point in my learning where I understand general ideas and concepts but do not quite understand how to implement them concretely in my life. I think I am so steeped in systemic white supremacy that I still cannot tell how it manifests overall in my day-to-day life. The big thing that I am working on in regards to skill building is having conversations with people whose opinions differ than me and those who hold racist/white supremacist ideas. I think that might be a topic that I focus on next week for a blog post.

To summarize, I have become less silent about race and racism, but still have a lot of work to do around engaging folks in conversation about race. Since learning about racial inequities, to me it feels unethical to remain silent. At the same time, I have a lot more to learn about how racism manifests in structures/systems/solutions so even know what I should not be silent about.

You and White Superiority

White superiority is the belief that people with white or white-passing skin are better than and therefore deserve to dominate over people with brown or black skin. While it can be something that is explicitly stated, it also is expressed through cultural norms and unbiased beliefs. It shows up in tone policing, subscribing to and elevating European standards of beauty (eg, lighter skin tone, straighter hair), believing African American Vernacular English (AAVE) is “ghetto” and thinning the correct way to talk is how you and other white people talk, primarily buying and working with white entrepreneurs and service providers, whether intentionally or unintentionally, primarily reading books by white authors, primarily learning from and supporting white leaders, only sharing words of BIPOC if you think it won’t offend or upset other white people in your communities, holding the expectation that BIPOC should ‘serve’ you by providing free emotional labor around racism, and believing in subtle and overt ways that you are smarter, more valuable, more capable, wiser, more sophisticated, more beautiful, more articulate, etc. than BIPOC.

The belief is not necessarily a consciously chosen one. You have been conditioned since you were a child in the way history was taught, the way race was talked about, and the way students of color were treated differently than you. It happens in the way you were educated by institutions that have taught white superiority through curricula that favors white-biased narrative, through lack of representation of BIPOC, and through the way institutions handled acts of racism. You have been conditioned by the media through overrepresentation of celebrities and leaders who look like you, through cultural appropriation of BIPOC fashion, language, and customs, and through the narrative of the white savior. Likely you’ve worked in industries that uphold white superiority through lack of representation of BIPOC at leadership levels, through diversity/inclusion policies that are about optical allyship, and through HR policies that tone police and marginalize employers who are BIPOC.

Reflection: Think back across your life, from childhood to where you are in your life now. In what ways have you consciously or subconsciously believed that you are better than BIPOC?

I think for the most part, white superiority has manifested subconsciously in my life, especially how I grew up thinking my life in a middle-class white family was the norm. I think growing up, I didn’t even realize that people could be living in different ways, which solidified this unconscious belief that my life, which was grounded in white supremacy, was the norm. There are so many things that I never realized were evidence of white superiority, like makeup, skin color on dolls, and even the fact that nearly all of my teachers in my entire academic career had the same skin color as me. I don’t consciously believe that I am better than BIPOC - in fact the more I learn about the culture of white supremacy, I feel more of the opposite - and I’m not sure that I ever have because I feel like if anything, I grew up with the belief in colorblindness and that people are all the same regardless of their skin color. I think this unconscious belief also came through my education, being placed in ‘advanced’ classes with mostly white students, which I didn’t recognize until looking back on it recently. Also it came through in the books I read growing up (mostly white authors) although as an adult I have made conscious efforts to expand my bookshelf (and I’m especially grateful for libraries that highlight diverse voices - shoutout to the North Central Library in Wenatchee who did a phenomenal job of this when I lived there!)

I think too about my career path in environmental education, which as a modern field (within the last century) has been dominated by white ideas/perspectives/people/organizations and how most environmental educators I know are white (despite teaching probably equal numbers of white and BIPOC students, at least in the organizations I have worked for). I know organizations like IslandWood, which works towards removing barriers for BIPOC to enter the field (eg, scholarships for their graduate program, working towards equity within the organization), are trying to address this lack of representation in EE, but year after year, it seems like graduate classes (of environmental educators) are still dominated by white students.I wonder how in my role as a white educator I can contribute positively to change - perhaps it involves teaching students in an anti-racist way and giving them positive experiences outside to inspire them to want to be in a similar role. (Maybe this last paragraph wasn’t about white superiority, but it’s something I’m thinking about)